W10: Anatomy of a Sandwich

sand-wich
noun.

two or more slices of bread or the like with a layer of meat, fish, cheese, etc., between each pair. 

Actually, I think Dictionary.com is pretty spot-on with their attempt at a definition. It's pretty close to what I would say. "Sandwich," to me, is like a broad term ... almost like a species name. All cats are felines. So are lions and tigers. All grilled cheese sandwiches are, well, sandwiches. But so are paninis and hamburgers. And if you go to Bagel St. Deli, you're pretty much getting a sandwich, bagel-style.

I think the main component in order to qualify for the "sandwich" family would be two slices of something from the bread family with something in the middle. Break it down more and you get subsets of subs, paninis, breakfast bagel sandwiches, even the god-awful McRib.

The second component of sandwichdom is how you eat it. 

A hot dog is not a sandwich. Neither is a quesadilla.

They're not eaten like sandwiches, with a grasp on both sides in preparation for that satisfying first bite. Hot dogs are put between two bread-like things (buns) and even sometimes wrapped in slices of bread, but they're just not nommed on like the typical burger or sub. Likewise, the quesadilla is often sliced differently and either smothered in some sort of sauce or dipped in one. 

The "wrap" family - tacos, quesadillas, snack wraps from Wendys - those aren't sandwiches. Sandwich cousins, maybe.

The black sheep of the sandwich family? The ice cream sandwich. Does it count as a sandwich because the label says so, even though most of them look more like a glorified Oreo (also not a sandwich)? It's a tricky, hybrid beast- like a platypus. Or something.

Or maybe it's more of a knock-off brand. A Zune to the ham and cheese's iPod.

Some things try to be sandwiches, but they just aren't. Two crackers with cheese in the middle? Not a sandwich. Whoopie pies? Enh, not a sandwich. Some "chicken and waffle" abomination offered on Union Street? Please God, not a sandwich.

Obviously the definition of a sandwich will vary from person to person. I like to think I fall in the "Panera, Subway, on-the-grill, some-bagel-exceptions" category. 

Now excuse me while I go make myself a sammich. ---

W9: Adventures in Snowville Creamery Land

I am not a farm girl.

Never have been, never will be. I'm still harboring a tiny bit of resentment toward my parents for plucking me out of suburban Cincinnati in the fifth grade to middle-of-nowhere Clarksville, Ohio. People think Athens is the middle of nowhere but I assure you, Clarksville has the Bobcats beat. I am not exaggerating when I say my high school was literally surrounded by corn fields, or that the idea of a "totally awesome" senior prank was to ride to school on John Deere tractors.


I've had big city dreams for as long as I can remember. Needless to say, my excitement for visiting a dairy farm, a.k.a. Snowville Creamery, was seriously in the "mehh" category.

 However, I was pleasantly surprised. And, just because I don't like farms doesn't mean I don't respect them -- especially well-kept, morally sound ones, like Snowville.

Even though I'm a coffee fanatic, I'm really not much of a milk drinker. And when I do need some milk for lattes or cereal or Oreo dunkage, I turn to soy milk. My roommate is lactose intolerant, and so soy milk is prevalent in our apartment. And, after trying it in various lattes over the summer, I've come to the conclusion that few things are more delicious that steamed vanilla soy milk.

Although I'm not an avid milk consumer, I still understand and resent the horribleness of CAFOs and how mass-production dairy cows are treated. So, I was glad to learn that Snowville likes to have happy cows and lets their bovine friends sort of chill out like normal cows would do. They're not fed a gross amount of fake cow food or forced into producing crazy amounts of milk. Happy cows = good milk = happy customers.

Our tour guide mentioned that she didn't see a real problem with drinking raw milk. And, I don't know ... it sort of weirds me out, mostly because of the processed-food culture I (and basically my generation, plus a few others) have grown up with. There's just something animalistic about drinking a glass of milk straight outta the utter. On the other hand, I'm a germaphobe, so I would also like to avoid drinking concoctions of possibly harmful chemicals that have been added to the cow and/or milk.

 I think what impressed me most about Snowville (aside from the small size of the staff and the crazy amount of milk they produce daily) is that they even allowed tours. I wasn't the biggest fan of The Omnivore's Dilemma, but I did really like the portion about animal rights -- especially when Pollan said that factories and butchers should allow people to see the process. It may still terrify people, but at least the option is there for them to look. I don't think Snowville is doing anything horrific (even though it was sort of suspicious that there weren't any cows ... anywhere ...) but I still really appreciate (as a customer) the opportunity to see what exactly happens during the process.

And, granted, the chocolate milk was pretty darn good. ---

W8: We Can't Blame Paula Deen: In response to Frank Bruni

Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain OR Paula Deen. I find the former to be a bit stuck-up and arrogant, and while the latter doesn't top my hit list, I'd probably (and do) keep flipping channels if her show was on TV. I guess I have some of the same feelings as Frank Bruni, insomuch as I don't necessarily serve as president of the Paula Deen fan club, but I know that Anthony Bourdain was out of line to call her out like a bratty third grader.

There's a bigger problem in Bruni's editorial that I want to focus on/address/respond to: the fact that Deen's popularity somewhat stems from the fact that she's the poster gal for "downscale cooking," which appeals to mass audiences because of their strained wallets.

This is a valid claim that I've seen/read reiterated multiple times this quarter: Unhealthy food is cheaper than healthy food, and because a lot of Americans are pressed for cash nowadays McDonald's, other fast-food chains and Deen's penny-saving, butter-loving concoctions make it thatmucheasier to prepare dinner.

I'm not saying that Paula Deen is an avid supporter of the Big Mac or is encouraging America's fast-food obsession. I agree with Bruni when he says that Anthony Bourdain was out of line in attacking Paula Deen. Maybe the food she advocates isn't the holiest of all healthy foods, but blaming her for obesity or whatever other food-related ailments America now has isn't going to do anyone any good.

Which brings us back to the cheap bad food conundrum. Healthy, organic, or Anthony Bourdain-supported food is likely too expensive for the average American household. In Food, Inc., a family of four has to struggle with being unable to afford pricey vegetables AND medication for the father's diabetes. The mother admits that she knows the food she's feeding her daughters isn't top quality, but it's better than not being able to feed them at all. Would Anthony Bourdain and other food snobs rather people starve than cave in and buy a Big Mac for their kids? It's the lesser of two evils in that case, and I think Paula Deen just wants to help audiences explore their cheap food options -- things that span outside the fast-food chain circle.

An earlier blog post asked us what made fast-food so American, and I replied that its convenience and better-than-nothing mentality made chain restaurants appealing to people, and I think that resonates here. Not everyone can afford fancy pricey dinners in glamorous far away lands, Mr. Bourdain.

On a semi-related note, Michael Pollan also addresses the not-quite convenience of healthy, organic food in a portion of The Omnivore's Dilemma. He examines the phenomenon of the "Supermarket Pastoral" and investigates whether or not organic farms/foods are actually better (a.k.a. worth the extra time, effort and moolah). In the final chapter of the organic foods section, he does admit that the organic chicken is pretty darn tasty. Yet, at the same time, there are other sections of the book -- such as when he visits a farm and sees that the chickens there are only barely treated better than at normal farms -- that seem to hint at "organic" food not quite being all that much better. Sure, it is definitely better with the nutritional aspect of things, but is it worth coughing up all the extra money? Should Americans splurge on healthy expensive meals or make do with the cheap, enh-good-enough food that's so much more accessible?

Both examples exemplify the fact that "good" food is just too expensive and inaccessible for many typical families. This also applies to the grandeur gourmet meals Anthony Bourdain often features. He's a fun guy to watch and audiences will forever be captivated by shows about traveling, but his expectations for the average American's food consumption is too high.

As Bruni says, sure, we're a fat country. But blaming that on the likes of Paula Deen and homestyle cookin' isn't going to make anything better; it'll only start unnecessary food fights. Anthony Bourdain and other powerful foodies need to band together to inform America about healthy eating -- and help make that movement something everyone can afford. ---

W7: I'd tell you these Starbucks secrets, but then I'd have to kill you

Today I realized I was a Starbucks snob.

It was about 2 p.m., a.k.a time for my afternoon pick-me-up and I absentmindedly told my mom, "I need some Starbucks."

To which she replied, "Starbucks is not a normal, everyday coffee."

!!!

So I went, "Comeagainsaywhat?!"

I like to think my mother isn't crazy and I KNOW she knows how vital Starbucks is to everyday life -- she works at a Kroger and in the SBux there they even have a drink nicknamed after her (The Kathy: a grande non-fat misto with three pumps of hazlenut syrup).

I was dumbfounded. But then it hit me faster than a shot of white lightning*: I'm a certified Starbucks snob.

My metamorphosis was to be expected, I guess. My body is probably pumping more iced coffee with vanilla in my veins than oxygen and I'm practically counting down the days until the return of the Caramel Brulee Latte. I know everything on the menu and, more importantly, I know everything on the secret menu. And, okay. It's not really "secret" and it's not really a "menu" but if you want to be a Starbucks snob (or go undercover and pretend to be a Starbucks snob) then there are some under-the-radar secret recipe drinks you should know about. And also they're delicious.



Starbucks Snobbery 101: Drinks to Know

nope, not a time machine-- a french press!

1. French Press. Did you know that Starbucks offers any of their drip coffees as a french press? If you request it french pressed then your barista has to make it, even though he/she will be doing it with an inner roll of the eyes because the process is so annoying. But honestly, it's worth irking your green apron-ed pal because the coffee press squeezes the smoky flavor out of the espresso beans into a dark, rich concoction that is so smoothly textured and sophisticated you'll immediately feel your snobbery quotient double. I recommend trying this with the darker roasts -- Italian and French are my faves, but Caffe Verona is also popular.

2. Red Eye. Unfortunately, this isn't a nod to the movie and doesn't mean that Cillian Murphy comes with your drink order. A "red eye" sounds all scary and mysterious, but really it's just adding a shot of espresso to a normal cup of joe. I'm a fan of the red eye with good ol' mild brew Pike Place -- the espresso packs an extra punch and gives it a smoky, roasted taste. Deeeelicious with some steamed soy milk. Add another shot and it's a black eye. Three shots and you've got a green eye. And maybe a pending caffeine overdose.

3. Dirty Chai. Here's where I'll take a break from Starbucks obsession and give credit where it's due -- Donkey Coffee and Espresso has the best chai tea in the world, ever. The end. But, Starbucks does have a pretty tasty version of the good-for-you tea, and it's even better if you make it dirty (a.k.a add a shot of espresso). Chai tea, however, is kind of like football and Arrested Development -- you either like it or you don't. I love the stuff, especially when it's hot. It's warm, just barely spicy and, for some reason, the only word I can think of to describe the flavor of chai is "Christmas." Which doesn't really make sense, I know, because you can't taste Christmas. Just imagine how the Christmas smells would taste and that's chai. Adding the espresso makes it a bit sharper and more on the bitter side, so I usually suggest a dirty vanilla chai to keep the sugar lovers happy.

4. Zebra. Speaking of keeping sugar lovers happy, this drink is way beyond too sweet for me. A zebra is for those indecisive mocha loyalists. It's a combination of regular mocha and white mocha and the amount of pumps and shots are adjustable. There's really no other word for it than "sweet." The addition of the white chocolate tones down the pucker-faced bitterness of the regular stuff, but it's still a one-way street to tooth decay.

FACT: sample the strawberries n' creme and they will come.

5. Cap'n Frapp'n. If you discover one item from Starbucks' secret stash, it should be this one. The Crunch Berry Frapp. The Captain Crunch Frapp. The Cap'n Frapp'n (my personal moniker for Starbucks' best kept secret) -- it goes by many names, but it's always made the same. You take a strawberries n'creme Frappuccino (milk, strawberry juice, ice, a "cream"-base syrup and a few pumps of "classic" syrup sweetener all blended together) and add a pump or two of hazelnut (it can also be made with toffee nut). You don't want to add too much hazelnut because it's such a heavy flavor anyway-- I usually only put one or two pumps in any of my drinks, regardless of the size. The nutty smell just kind of takes over everything, but. for some reason, when blended with the strawberries n'creme it comes out tasting just. Like. Crunch. Berries. One of my favorite games to play during my shifts is Sample a Cap'n Frapp'n and Watch People's Faces as They Try to Figure Out What the Drink Reminds Them Of. It's usually kids who pinpoint it first, but I love seeing the realization settle over a customer's face. The likeness is uncanny, and also copyrighted, so we can't technically put it on the menu.

So, the next time you're at a Starbucks (I don't know when that will be, because apparently Starbucks isn't "normal, everyday coffee" for some people), go ahead and trade your boring vanilla latte for something fancier -- and feel free to give your barista an I'm-in-the-know wink. We won't judge. ---

*Disclaimer: a white lightning is basically shots of espresso with pumps of white mocha and sometimes vanilla. These can come in any shape and form and are ordered like "2,3 white lightning" which means two shots and three pumps of white mocha. Works magic if you need to wake up likerightnow.

W6: The art of upselling and other secrets of movie theater popcorn

 

Yummmm. Photo from Popcornblogs.com.

I'm a coffee addict, sure, but first and foremost I am obsessed with popular culture. My love for all things entertainment lays at the heart of why I went into magazine journalism, but it also made working at Showcase Cinemas the Best First Job Ever.

Three words: Free. Movie. Tickets.

Three more words: Endless. Fresh. Popcorn.

I spent so much time making the stuff (one of my first thoughts upon turning 18 was "I get to learn how to use the popper now, awesome") and even more time eating the stuff that I figured it'd be a great subject for the food histories presentation.

Who knew popcorn was so old? According to a nifty site called Popcorn.org, the oldest piece of popcorn dates back 4,000 years. The site also says that evidence has been found to prove that the Aztecs and other ancient Peruvian people used the fluffy corny goodness was used in ceremonies. In the 1800s, people became obsessed with maize (a fancy agricultural name for "corn") and the invention of the plow helped them plant the stuff all over, ergo more popcorn for everyone.

The yummy, buttery and/or salty snack we've come to know and love really came on the scene thanks to Charles Cretors. According to Cretors.com, the man had a mission, and that mission was to commercialize the act of popping popcorn. In 1893 he unveiled the world's first mobile popcorn machine at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago. Leisurely snacking (and movie-going) would never be the same.

At first, movie theater owners didn't like popcorn. It was an invasive little brat sold by vendors outside their theaters. It drew away customers from buying overpriced candy. Theaters discouraged installing their own poppers until they saw what a huge hit the snack was during the Great Depression. Bags of popcorn were sold for even-cheap-at-the-time prices of 5 or 10 cents during the Depression, which made vendors and customers happy. Toward the end of the 1930s, theaters finally started installing poppers and capitalizing on the lucrative POPularity of popcorn. (Sorry. I had to.)

During World War II, a lot of sugar was sent overseas to troops, so popcorn continued to be the average American family's go-to snack. Sales dropped noticeably with the invention of television, but the popcorn was determined to succeed and microwavable popcorn became the first use of microwavable heating in the 1940s.

Cool, old-fashioned popper. Photo from us-machines.com.

Popcorn is still a huge part of movie theater culture and Cinema-Astoria.com reports that Americans consume an estimated 16 million quarts of the stuff a year.

Judging by the amount of upselling I did during my days as a concessionist, I'd say that's about right.

Without all that fabulous, shiny buttery delight that concessionists convince you to put on the popcorn, a cup contains 30 to 50 calories and lots of good stuff -- fiber, vitamins, even potassium. Give in to that urge and you'll not only need a handful of napkins to wipe your greasy fingers but also an extra 439057489 hours of exercise to work off the 400 to 1,200 calories you just consumed.

Popcorn continues to have a love-hate relationship with movie theaters, but now it's mostly with the customers who moan and whine about ever-increasing prices. But, if you want to keep ticket prices down, then you'll have to cough up some more money for that bag - or bucket - of airy, buttery, crunchy golden goodness.

And when the teenager behind the counter asks if you'd like to make that a large for just 75 more cents, don't get annoyed. It's their job. And really, movie theater popcorn is so good that it's worth it. --

*additional sources:
Wikipedia
Gizmodo
WebMD